I’ve by no means been an excessive amount of of a truck man. I grew up in a family that by no means had them, and apart from the “Tornado” Ram 2500 I’ve by no means actually wished one, however over the previous few months, I’ve been testing out all types of vehicles in numerous dimension segments. Throughout my analysis of vehicles just like the Ford Maverick, Nissan Frontier Hardbody, Chevy Colorado ZR2 Bison, Jeep Gladiator Mojave and Chevy Silverado 1500 ZR2, I spotted one thing. There’s a transparent truck hierarchy.
One thing I saved coming again to, irrespective of which truck I used to be in, was how massive my truck was compared to everybody else’s. Name it jealousy, name it immaturity. Name it no matter you need, however it isn’t one thing I used to be capable of get away from. Each time I used to be behind the wheel of one among these (largely) pavement princesses, I wished to determine the place I stood compared to everybody else. I additionally couldn’t assist however surprise if different truck drivers felt the identical manner I did — I’ve a sneaking suspicion they do.
Full Disclosure: Nissan, Chevy, Jeep and Ford all lent me these vehicles with full fuel tanks to do as I happy. I spent more often than not questioning what different males considered me.
These emotions actually got here to a head once I was behind the wheel of the large $77,750 Silverado 1500 ZR2. I felt just like the king of the highway with my 420-horsepower 6.2-liter V8, large entrance grille and chunky off-road tires. I seemed down on different truck house owners of their base Silverados, GMC Canyons and Jeep Gladiators with disdain. I used to be the king of the highway, the grasp of my area. Then, I used to be stopped at a crimson mild in rural northeast Pennsylvania and a GMC Sierra 2500 HD pulled up. I might hear its 6.6-liter Duramax diesel burbling and really feel my coronary heart sink to the pit of my abdomen — I used to be left utterly and completely little bro’d. I’m wondering if the man behind the wheel of that truck knew it. Did he know I used to be sitting in my large, costly truck, fascinated about how I simply acquired son’d? This can be a rhetorical query; he completely did. I’d even guess cash that he paid all of that money for an enormous truck when a small one would have match the invoice simply wonderful due to this very factor I’m speaking about.
In my time at Jalopnik, I’ve pushed dozens and dozens of automobiles, and I can say with confidence I’ve by no means gotten this superiority/inadequacy feeling earlier than. Whether or not I’m in a $300,000 sports activities automotive or a $28,000 eco crossover, I haven’t actually thought of how I used to be perceived by the skin world. Nonetheless, being in a truck makes you immediately conscious of the place you’re on the trucky meals chain. You’re additionally very conscious of the actual fact each different dude in his truck is considering the very same factor. (By the way in which, should you enter my feedback part — say you personal a truck and that you just don’t really feel this manner — I really don’t care and I don’t imagine you.)
The truck hierarchy is extremely necessary, and sitting on the very tippy prime isn’t stuff like Heavy Responsibility Rams, Tesla Cybertrucks and the outlandish GMC Hummer EV. No. On the very prime of the truck pecking order are previous vehicles, stuff from the ‘70s by means of the ’90s. These are vehicles for actual males or no matter, and identical to me, everybody else of their model new lifted pickup vehicles is aware of we’re simply cosplaying as somebody who would even have and use a kind of older pickups.
We’re merely posers, continually in the hunt for one thing that’ll really make us really feel like helpful males — males who’d simply maintain on to a ratty diesel Ford F-150 quite than leasing the most recent King Ranch Texas Version Again The Blue These Colours Don’t Run 1776 Version vehicles. Relating to vehicles, very like supercars, the actual cred is within the previous, classic stuff.
Subsequent up within the hierarchy comes one-ton heavy-duty vehicles, your Ford F-250s and 350s, Ram 2500s and Silverado/Sierra HDs. In the event that they’re diesel you get additional factors, as a result of there’s one thing a bit lame a couple of one-ton gasser. I don’t make the foundations. From there, it’s off-road specials just like the Ram TRX, F-150 Raptor, Chevy’s numerous ZR2s, GMC’s AT4s and Toyota’s TRD Professionals. Large tires at all times get extra factors. After that, it’s common half-ton pickups, the best-selling automobiles in the entire nation. You understand what they’re. They’re all over the place. After that come compact pickups just like the Tacoma, Canyon and Ranger. Now, we get to the underside, vehicles that get zero respect: the Hyundai Santa Cruz, Honda Ridgeline, Ford Maverick and Jeep Gladiator.
We’ll get to the Mav and Hyundai in a minute, however first I need to speak in regards to the Gladiator. I thought this factor was a decent truck once I picked it up just a few weeks in the past, however I rapidly realized this was not the case. I did a fast run to Costco within the $65,865 Gladiator Mojave I used to be testing (it offers you all types of enjoyable, desert operating off-road bits and a few very neat orange touches). I parked the Jeep subsequent to a Cybertruck and took an image of the 2. I then posted on-line saying “A truck and a Cybertruck,” and I acquired a bunch of responses and even some DMs letting me know the Gladiator isn’t an actual truck. Ouch.
Nonetheless, I wasn’t completely satisfied. A number of days later I used the Gladiator to complete transferring some stuff from my previous condominium to my new one. It’s the right job for a truck. Sadly, its mattress is type of ineffective. You see, it’s far shallower than different mid-size truck beds at simply 17.5 inches. For reference, the Toyota Tacoma’s 5-foot mattress is 21.2 inches deep. Which may not sound like a ton, but it surely makes a distinction. It signifies that even with reasonably tall objects the Jeep-installed tonneau cowl received’t latch into place. After all, it was raining (it at all times rains whenever you transfer), so all of my shit acquired moist, man. Not cool, Jeep!
Facet Observe: I used my grandmother’s beat-up 2004 Chrysler City & Nation to do the majority of my transferring, and that suited me significantly better. If you’re contemplating shopping for a brand-new truck, it’s best to actually simply purchase a minivan.
Anyway, the Jeep Gladiator, as neat as it’s (convertibles are at all times superior) isn’t realllllly a truck should you ask me. Fortunately, the Silverado with its large mattress and sensible Multi-Flex tailgate made transferring some extra stuff from my in-laws’ home to my new place a cinch. Even with its massively excessive suspension, the truck made getting shit out and in of the mattress good and simple. The large rear seats additionally meant I might put an entire lot of extra precious stuff within the cabin. I’ve acquired a full off-road video assessment of the Silverado ZR2 arising quickly, so be looking out for that unhealthy boy.
Again to the Santa Cruz, Ridgeline and Maverick. They exist in a extremely attention-grabbing place as a result of I don’t assume truck folks actually respect them, they usually nearly definitely see them on the backside of the hierarchy, but it surely doesn’t matter. I don’t assume the drivers of those vehicles give a shit about all of that. Why would they? In all honesty, they purchased a few of the finest vehicles in the marketplace (the SC and Maverick a minimum of, because the Ridgeline is getting previous).
If extra truck house owners had been trustworthy with themselves about what kind of duties they should get finished with their pickups, they’d go for one among these three automobiles. Nobody wants a truck as massive because the Silverado ZR2, a Ford F-150 Raptor or a Tundra, however they need it due to the picture it places out into the world. Simply hope a one-ton pickup doesn’t pull up subsequent to you at a fuel station, as a result of your ego may not be capable to take it.
Simply bear in mind, the world revolves round massive vehicles, so that you higher simply get used to it. I’ve the most effective truck, and who cares what anybody else says? Proper?
